Sometimes it only takes a moment to actually have clarity on the next path you need to take. For me, one of those moments happened 3 years ago when I decided I needed more.

I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't thought about moving back to Washington a million other times when I lived in NYC, but I had too many reasons to stay and the truth was I felt guilty for wanting more. Life was good... life was comfortable... I was legit living out the life I had dreamed of a few years earlier... so who was I to still want more?

Sometimes life just hits you though, and on that day I got the (very unexpected) clarity I needed confirming I needed to make a change. For me, the catalyst was a breakup and a cross country move, but maybe for you, it's the decision to make a big career move, deciding to move to that city you’ve always loved, or maybe it's taking that first step to chase that dream you've been putting on the backburner.

Whatever it may be I want you to hear me loud and clear. Don't ever settle or feel bad for wanting more in your life. EVER! We each have so many chapters in our lives and it's important to remember that things don't have to be dire to make a change. Sometimes you just realize the path you're on isn't the path you need to be on to get to where you're going. And honestly, sometimes making those decisions can be harder -- because things DON'T totally suck. So if this post is resonating with you and maybe you’re in a situation where you’re not sure what you should do next I want you to think about your answers to these questions:

1. Where does your mind wander when you let it wander?
   Do you have reoccurring daydreams? Are there any patterns? Are your daydreams actually something you’d want to pursue if other life constraints weren’t involved?

2. Would your life be better or worse if you made this change?
   Here’s where the pros and cons come into place. Try and focus on realistic outcomes if you were to make a change and think about the big picture.

3. What is holding you back from making this change? Is it circumstantial, someone in your life, location, etc.?
   Is there a chance your circumstances could change making this change an option or is that a no-go? Are there any changes you could make to your circumstances to make it an option?

4. If you don’t follow this dream or make this change, will you regret it?
   Regret can be a loaded emotion but I want you to really think about how you’ll feel if you don’t pursue what you’re considering. Is it something you will be sad about at first but be ok with not pursuing or will it be something you’ll always look back on and wish you did?

5. What would make you happier in the long run, your current situation or making this change?
   This question is a big one. Really dive in and think about how you would feel if you were to make this change even with all circumstances considered. Would you be happier in the long run?

Blowing up your comfortable life can be scary and lead to periods of uncomfortable growth — you can bet there will be a bunch of ugly cry sessions. But trust me when I say, the regret of not making changes that you feel in your gut you should, will hurt a lot more in the long run. No matter what you decide just remember that you CAN make big changes and go after the life you’re dreaming of. You just have to have the courage to make the jump.

It doesn’t matter how much we plan or if we build the perfect plan to hit our goals, sometimes life throws you some surprises that will knock you on your butt. Oh you know, kind of like this big pandemic one we’re all living through?! Whatever it may be though, even the most dedicated are going to have times where we slip up or take a break from pursuing our goals. It happens to all of us. Yes, even the girl who is obsessed with goal planning!

When Scoots started to take a turn for the worse, I hit the pause button on a lot of my personal projects and goals. Obviously, he was top priority and when we later lost him… I’ve just been broken. So you can bet my goals have been about the last thing on my mind. Waking up early to work out or reading my latest self-development book? Yeah, definitely not on my radar. Life happens and it’s important that you do what you need to do. Your goals will still be there when you’re ready.

I’m definitely still working through a lot of things, but this week, I decided I was ready to try and get started again. My goals really give me purpose, and I’ve realized that I really need that right now. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from past breaks though, it’s that it’s not always a smooth transition. So over the years, I’ve put together a system of 3 steps that I do after a break. It’s taken a while to find something that works for me, but these are the things I do to get myself in the right headspace and set myself up for success.

Acknowledge Why you Slipped Up or Took a Break

Like I mentioned, life happens and sometimes we have to deal with tough things we weren’t expecting. Then other times, we’ll get busy and we intentionally (or unintentionally) shift our priorities. Maybe you got promoted at work and you’re working longer hours, maybe you started dating someone new and you’re so excited you’re spending more of your free time with them, or maybe you’re just kind of burnt out and watching Netflix has sounded more appealing than working on things. No judgment on why you took a break, but it’s important to acknowledge it. It’s not an excuse, but rather taking time to understand if it was something out of your control or if you’re finding yourself in a pattern. Because if it’s a pattern you may need to adjust your strategy. If you find that you’re unmotivated or giving up every few months, then maybe you need to make sure your goals are still aligned with your priorities. Or maybe, you just have too much on your plate and you need to scale things back a bit. Whatever the answer, take some time to acknowledge it.

Ask Yourself, are these Goals still Important to me?

After you’ve identified the cause for your break, another important question to ask yourself is are these goals still important to you? Sometimes we shift our priorities because something simply isn’t as important to you now as it was when you set your goal. Remember, goals can evolve and it’s also ok to drop some if they aren’t a priority for you anymore. Maybe something new has moved into its place or maybe you just realized your passion isn’t there for that thing anymore. When you’re doing this, it’s really important to explore your “why”. Here are a few examples of the practice I do.

Ask yourself:

Is this goal still a priority for me right now? Why or why not?

Example 1: Working out and continuing my workout plan is still important to me because taking care of my body is important to me and it helps keep my energy levels up for the other priorities in my life.

Example 2: Paying off my car early this year is no longer a priority for me. With the uncertainty stemming from the pandemic, I would rather focus on having extra padding in my savings.

These are two legit examples I went through myself this week. Between COVID-19 and losing Scoots, my goals have taken a shift and a break so I’ve been reevaluating all of the yearly goals. I think we can all agree this year has been interesting, so don’t feel bad if you feel like you need to scrap your whole list and start over… I know I’ve definitely adjusted several of mine and added some new ones that I wouldn’t have seen coming a few months ago. The key is getting to the root of what is, and isn’t, important to you right now and adjusting accordingly. Your goals aren’t set in stone so if you need to make changes, do!

Make a Plan To Ease Back into Things

As I mentioned, one of the toughest things to do is actually decide to start again. It’s one of the biggest reasons people give up! So when you’re getting back into things, consider making a plan to ease back into things! I know everyone has a ton of different kinds of goals but working out is a good example most can relate to… If you were working out 5 days a week and quit for 3 months then instead of going back in full steam, maybe start with 2 one week, then 3 the next, working up to 5. By easing back into things, it allows you to set small goals that are easier to achieve, which will give you small wins, and keep you moving forward! Or if there are 3 big goals you’re working on right now, maybe you start by focusing on getting back into your routines for the 1st one and then ease into adding tasks for the other two in the weeks to follow. I’m all about creating sustainable habits and strategies! I truly think that is the best way to accomplish things and yeah, maybe you’ll get to your benchmark or big achievement a little slower but it beats the alternative of getting burnt out and giving up.

When you’re coming up with your plan it may also be important to adjust your benchmarks if needed. If you have your goals on a yearly basis but you missed 2 months, then you may want to adjust things. I’m all for goals that are a little bit of a stretch but you’re doing yourself a disservice if they are more than likely unattainable. Same goes if they’re too attainable. It takes some practice, but try and find somewhere in between. This is another reason why I recommend having regular check-ins too. Goals can evolve and it’s important that they are serving you.

Give Yourself Grace to Keep Going

Another thing I think is important (that I’ve been working on too) is giving yourself grace when you hit bumps. Like I said, everyoneeee slips up, we’re human! You’ve made the decision to start again though and that’s the most important part! Working on goals is all about growth and working on yourself so give yourself some grace throughout the process. Remember, the process is often even more important than actually hitting those benchmarks so pay attention to that! Also pay attention to any patterns. Do things always fall out of place for you every March around your birthday, or do you find yourself getting burnt out every few months? Pay attention to any patterns you find during these check-ins so you can build more sustainable strategies.

I hope you’ve found this helpful and props for deciding to get back to it! You’ve got this!

Let's get this out of the way... starting over is scary! Change isn't easy and the idea of starting over or trying something new is one of the biggest fears that holds people back in their lives. We like being comfortable and there is nothing comfortable about blowing up your life. It's hard. And the process doesn't stop being tough after the decision process.

Something I've been working on a lot over the last 6 months is being more transparent and authentic in both my business and personal life. It's definitely not something that comes easily -- it's muchhh easier to share and write about the lighter things in life. I think there is a lot of value in getting real about our stories though and if my experiences can inspire or help others then it will make putting myself out there totally worth it! So today I'm staying true to that commitment and digging into some of the things that have helped me in my personal journey of starting over.

Embracing Help & Support from Friends and Family

Confession, while I LOVE my family and am so thankful for them -- they are the main reason why I decided to move home after all -- I've struggled a lot with moving in with my parents. I totally understand this is overly dramatic, but the idea of moving in with my parents truly felt like the end of the world. I never moved home after college and I was really proud of that. So the idea of moving in with my mom after being on my own for a decade had me like.. 😱😱😱. But guess what? It wasn't the end of the world, and it's a decision I'm really happy I made. Sure, I could have found another apartment right away, but 1.) between making decisions and sorting out this cross-country move, my head and bank account were ready to explode and 2.) after such a BIG change I think internally I knew I really needed to get back to my roots and be really close to my support system.

That being said, if you are lucky enough to have family or friends you can stay with for a bit while you sort out some of the other details, put your pride aside and embrace it. Even if you aren't physically moving in with them, take them up on whatever support they're offering. Regular girls nights, weekly calls, whatever it may be, take them up on it. They want the best for you and being around your support system will really help during this time. I know if I had my own place right away it would have been so easy for me to embrace being a homebody for a while and hide behind my work, but being at home hasn't allowed me to do that. Instead, I've been forced to get out and about and keep my schedule busy, which has been much more beneficial than if I had distanced myself from others at this time.

Switch up your Routine

This has been a BIG one for me! I credit switching up my routine with being one of the things that has helped me the most. Obviously you can't change everyyything, but I definitely recommend switching up what you can. My mom lives 5 mins away from a local hike, and something that I've really enjoyed is adding hiking to my routine 3 days a week. I mentioned it in an earlier post, but there is also something very therapeutic about getting your butt kicked while climbing to the top of a mountain. Plus, it's something I couldn't do in the city, so it has been a nice change and given me some dedicated alone time.

Now that I'm on the west coast, my work schedule has shifted as well. I'm not sure that one is for the better 😜. Because my business partner is on the east coast, as with a lot of our clients I decided to adopt an east coast work schedule as well. I wonder if that was a good decision every time my alarm goes off in the dark at 5:30 a.m., but I'm making it work. The good thing about this schedule is it has freed up my afternoons. When I lived in NYC, I got really bad about working all day.. taking a little break.. and then working some more at night. Since moving back though, I've been working really hard at unplugging at night to actually give myself a little break and time to enjoy life a little.

Not only have both of these changes been good for my health and well-being, but it's been helpful in feeling like this new chapter, really is a new chapter. If you're going to make some big changes, might as well go all in right?!

Say Yes to Exploring & Trying New Things

Since I moved, I feel like my social calendar has exploded. Which sounds funny since, hiii I used to live in NYC, and my schedule explodes after moving back to a small town? Ha, I know, I know. Part of it is I've just been really excited to try new things that I wasn't able to do in New York and the other is I've just been saying yes to all of the things. 

I've always liked a good adventure, but at the same time, I'm also someone who appreciates having some downtime. I'm sure things will settle down in a few months, but for the time being I've put that homebody trait on the shelf. Like, I legit haven't had a free weekend since June.. which has been both thrilling and exhausting at the same time. I will say though, keeping busy and trying new things have been KEY in this process so I absolutely encourage you do the same if you have the opportunity. Get out there and try a new restaurant, reconnect with friends, and check out new spots you haven't been before. I mean guys, I went to a Renaissance Fair this summer... it doesn't get much more different than NYC than that 😂.

Get Your Goals Straight & Write Them Down

When you're starting over there is SO much to process. While your "big picture" goals may be at top of mind, chances are you've been so busy dealing with the logistics of blowing your life up, that sorting through some of the smaller details have slipped behind. Once you've had a chance to settle in a little it's a great time to really lay everything out. What direction do you want to head in now and how are you going to get there? I felt like I was treading water the first month or so I was back so once I had a chance to sit down and dedicate some time to my goals I felt like a brand new person. This process might not be as big of a deal to some of you, but for me I'm someone who really likes to sit down, make plans, and write everything down. Regardless of your process, take some time to check-in and get connected to the direction you want to head.

Have Patience With Yourself

And last but definitely not least... be patient with yourself. Starting over or making any big life changes.. is A LOT emotionally. You'll have days where you're so happy you made the change and then you'll have others where you'll wonder if you did the right thing. It can be a really confusing time and sometimes you'll just feel like a total mess. You'll be excited, you'll be scared, and some days you'll just cry your eyes out. 

I'm guilty of being someone who likes to brush things under the rug or just avoid thinking about things because it hurts, and something I've really tried to take on this time around is giving myself permission to feel all of those feelings. I won't sugarcoat it either, it's been hard. Something that I've really struggled with this time around too is it has been entirely self-inflicted. While moving back to Washington was always in the back of my mind, I had a good life in NYC. My life didn't suck, so processing everything that goes a long with that has been tricky. Regardless of how you're feeling though, allow yourself some time to really think about things and experience that because it will help you in the long run. If there's something I've realized in doing so, it is that it's okay to both enjoy the start of a new chapter and long for your last one at the same time. It won't always make sense, but I think being really honest with yourself about that is important. 

I hope this has been helpful to some of you or at least given you a little more insight into my ongoing journey! If you have any other tips that could be useful, feel free to share in the comments.